From God's left hand

Came across this blog post today and I just had to pass it on.  There's a new book coming out I think I have to get:   Disability and the Gospel: How God Uses Our Brokenness to Display His Grace.  But I don't think the book can be any better than Joni's forward. 

Back in the mid-1960s when I first embraced Christ, I would tell people it was all about Jesus, but I had no idea what that meant. Sure, Christianity was centered on Christ, but mainly he was the one who got my spiritual engine started. As long as I filled up on him every morning during my quiet time, I was able to putter along just fine.

Things changed dramatically in 1967 after I crushed my spinal cord in a diving accident that left me a quadriplegic. I was frantic and filled with fear. Oh God, I can’t do this. I can’t live like this! This time I needed the Savior urgently. Every hour. Every minute. Or else I’ll suffocate, God! Suddenly, the Bible with all its insights about suffering and weakness became the supreme thing in my life. I spent hours flipping pages of the Bible with my mouth stick, desperate to understand exactly who God is and what his relationship is to suffering. It didn’t take long to find answers that satisfied. When it came to my life-altering injury, nothing comforted me more than the assurance that God hadn’t taken his hands off the wheel for a nanosecond. I discovered that a right understanding of God’s hand in our hardships was critical to my contentment. I also discovered how important good theology is.


A right understanding of God's hand in our hardships is critical to our contentment.  This is so true.  Good theology allows me to receive the news that my mother has terminal cancer with peace and trust in His good providence.  Good theology allows me to know that a new baby with Down syndrome is for my good and God's glory.  Good theology teaches us that any goodness, joy or beauty is only a foreshadow of things to come for those who belong to Christ.  This world is passing away.  Our hope is not in health, long-life, happiness, wealth, success, nice vacations (yet those are all good things!)  But our hope here:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.  And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.  He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:1-4)

Our longing for heaven should be stronger than our deepest desires on earth, be they for healing, joy, comfort or ________(fill in the blank).

More from Joni:

When it comes to suffering, I’m convinced God has more in mind for us than to simply avoid it, give it ibuprofen, divorce it, institutionalize it, or miraculously heal it. But how do we embrace that which God gives from his left hand? I have found a person’s contentment with impairment is directly proportional to the understanding of God and his Word. If a person with a disability is disappointed with God, it can usually be traced to a thin view of the God of the Bible.


This is true not just for the disabled, but for any of us who are disappointed with God's providence.  Good theology teaches us that God is good, God is in control of all things (yes, all things means ALL THINGS) and "the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." (Rom. 8:18)

Giving mothering your full attention

Good thoughts here from Carolyn Mahaney.  She writes:


"We must be watchful that these “other things” don’t distract us from our primary task of mothering. We must walk carefully through this season, with all its opportunities, and make the best use of our time with our children.


By "other things" she means online activities (like facebook and what I'm doing now!) and industrious pursuits in the marketplace (Prov. 31-type commerce).  Mahaney continues:

Truth is, we can’t effectively train our children on the side. We can’t discipline them here and there. We can’t teach when we’ve got a free moment. We can’t mother intermittently.

Inconsistent training is ineffective training.

If we are distracted by projects or pleasure, we may miss valuable teaching moments, opportunities to encourage, disobedience that requires discipline, or a chance to show affection. These moments, once lost, are gone forever.

So ladies, may I encourage you, as I do my own daughters, to give training and discipline your first and full attention. Walk carefully, and keep your eyes on the mothering road."

While she is absolutely right about the importance of the job of mothering I would caution moms to not take this admonition too far.  If we always give "mothering" our first and full attention it'd be easy to justify only having one child!  After all, you're not going to be a very effective mother to your toddler when you're sprawled out on the couch for several months with morning sickness.  It's not easy to stay on top of every discipline opportunity when you must spend 30 minuets (or more!) every 2-3 hours nursing a newborn.  It's impossible to catch every potential moment for training and discipline b/c we have to do other things like take showers, eat lunch, make dinner, do laundry, serve in the church, maybe lock ourselves in our own room for 15 minuets to relax/pray/read/breathe, etc.  Be wise with our time, yes, but God can even use our inconsistent and distracted mothering.  My children benefit from being "neglected:"  learning to play by themselves, working out arguments (even if they often fight), getting bored, and recognizing that the world doesn't revolve around them!  So lets be diligent, but lets also realize that motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint.  We'll get our kids to the finish line only by the grace of God, not our own efforts alone.  Sometimes we might take a slower pace, and sometimes we need to stop for a rest break!

Praise God that He uses imperfect parents!  Praise God that he uses tired, cranky, sick and sore mothers.  Praise God that missed discipline opportunities don't mean we've failed completely.  God, in His sovereignty, can even use our mistakes.  He is doing His own work in our kids.  Yes, He uses us as parents, but He's not limited to only using us.  He uses everything.

I guess I just don't want any moms to read Mahaney's post and feel like they're not doing enough.  Unless they're not.  I wholeheartedly agree that IF God has called you to be a mother, motherhood should be your highest priority.  We should all evaluate how we are spending our time and if it lines up with God's priorities, but it will look different in each of our individual circumstances.

Clouds of dread are big with mercy

The middle three kids are with Daddy at the State Fair.  Big fun.  I'm not sad to miss it this year -- even though the temp has dipped to the lovely mid-80's with a light delta breeze (aka, God's air conditioner) -- my back gets tired out very easily with too much time on my feet or bending, lifting, etc.  Sarah took her camera so maybe I'll have some photos to post.

Phillip is working on his algebra 2 homework.  The crazy boy volunteered to take a year's worth of algebra 2 in one month.  He's scheduled to take algebra 2 as a sophomore next school year but is hoping that if he does well enough on this accelerated summer course he can skip ahead to pre-calculus.

Mary is napping.  She is very 2.  She's had some success on the potty, but is still a long way from being trained.  I need to decide to commit to making it happen, which I haven't done yet, but would really like to before new baby boy arrives.

Here's a picture of a recent kids dinner.  I thought it was sweet to see them all squeezed into the little kitchen table and I know how my readers like pictures :-)

Quite a challenge to get them to all look at the camera and smile at the same time.  They were hungry after all.

New baby continues to grow, kick and enjoy life in my belly.  I got a clear report on my glucose tolerance test this week, which I'm thankful for.  I've never had any diabetes concerns with my other pregnancies, but risks increase with age and family history.  I have another ultrasound on July 23 just to make sure there are no bleeds or visible Down syndrome related problems.  Likely another ultrasound in August.  My OB Dr. will be setting up a consultation with the NICU chief at our hospital to make sure he's in the loop for baby's arrival.  Haven't picked a birth date yet, but as long as I don't go into labor early we'd like to let him cook as long as possible...probably right around the middle of September.

I've been reading some blogs by other moms of babies with Down syndrome.  Read this one today and it got me thinking.  The blogger is no one I'm likely to ever meet, but she's a christian who seems like-minded in many ways, so I've appreciated her perspective in the journey of finding out before the birth of her daughter in 2010 that she'd have Down syndrome.  The mom answers the question "isn't life more difficult with a special needs baby?"

     Yes, but not nearly as difficult as I had been braced for. The dread of Down syndrome is blown way out of all proportion to the reality, if over 90% of babies with Down syndrome are being aborted.  It is in the design of God that when we embrace the difficulties He ordains as necessary for us, there comes a greater good.

 The phrase "the dread of Down syndrome" resonated with me.  I've known quite a few moms of "advanced maternal age" since I've been paying attention to such things, and I'm always relieved for them when their babies turn out to be "normal."  Although I know that Down syndrome or other disabilities are always a possibility, I found myself encouraged by all the older moms I knew having healthy babies (i.e.:  "see, so-and-so is 40 and she didn't have a Down syndrome baby!").  I knew of statistics like at age 40 the chances of having a baby with Down syndrome are 1 in 100.  That's really quite high.  With all the women today delaying childbirth until later in life we really should be seeing more Down syndrome kids around.  The fact that we don't speaks to this "dread of Down syndrome" in our culture.

I'm so looking forward to meeting this new baby, all 47 chromosomes of him.  I have no dread.  Most of the time when people ask "when are you due? do you know if it's a boy or girl?" I don't offer the information about him having Down syndrome unless it's someone I have a relationship with already or expect to in the future.  I'm just happy to be expecting a new gift from God, a boy specifically planned to be my son, the newest brother of the Lowery siblings.  Maybe I should be more vocal about his diagnosis.  The fact that we found out before he was born and decided not to abort him could be used by God to change many hearts.  I definitely don't want to hide the truth so I try to be sensitive to opportunities as they arise.

Well, I think I'm done rambling.  Going to enjoy some time with the Very 2-Yr-Old who's awake from her nap now :-)

By the way, I stole the title of this post from a quote in the blog mentioned above from the hymn writer William Cowper:

“Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take; the clouds ye so much dread are big with mercy and shall break with blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, but trust him for his grace; behind a frowning providence he hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast, unfolding ev’ry hour; the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flow’r.

Blind unbelief is sure to err, and scan his work in vain; God is his own interpreter and he will make it plain.” 

Plugged in. Pluggin' along.

Here's a little update from my iPad at the infusion center: I'm well. Baby is well. At our ultrasound last week he looked just perfect. No heart problems and everything looks to be growing and functioning like normal. Baby is very active and seems to be enjoying his stay in my womb. IV's are not fun, but the nurses are getting used to me now :-). I'm not an "easy stick" - they've started using tiny neonatal needles on me. The infusions are only taking about 5hrs and they go by quickly. I still am a little itchy from a reaction to the IVIG, but it's calmed down some and is not getting any worse. I'm in the home stretch now - 3rd trimester! Time to start thinking about getting baby clothes out of storage and bassinet set up, etc. Oh, and should probably start getting a hospital bag packed just in case - you never know :-) I'm trying not to think to much about all the complications we still could face (brain bleeds, problems nursing, c-section recovery, Down syndrome related medical problems). I know God will give us grace to face whatever He ordains. A little over two months to go!

Things I Know and Things I Don't

I know I love being pregnant.  There's nothing like feeling little kicks, nudges and turns inside my round belly.  I love the obvious statement to the world of God's miracle of life, creation, love and family.  I don't know if this is my last pregnancy.  Part of me is discouraged by the IVIG infusions, multiple c-sections and new baby's Down syndrome.  But I don't know yet if the negatives outweigh the positives.

I know I'm going to love this new baby boy.  I know we'll continue to have love, help, and encouragement poured out on us by our friends and family.  I don't know how hard or easy his first days, weeks, and months will be.  I don't know if I'll be sad about his developmental delays or burdened by the challenges we'll face.

I know this new baby is part of God's perfect plan for me, our family, our church, and His world.  I don't know if I would have said "yes" to this particular blessing if God had asked me first.  I don't know if I knew ahead of time we'd get a baby with Down syndrome I would have gone ahead and gotten pregnant again :-)  But I haven't spent a lot of time dwelling on this because God doesn't often ask us first and He knows the future better than I do anyway.

I know that human life begins at conception.  From that moment on, those quickly dividing cells contain an eternal soul, made in God's image, knit together -- every molecule, chromosome, cell, organ -- for His glory either as a vessel of His grace or an object of His wrath.  I know that in the eyes of God abortion is murder - even if that newly conceived life is defective, diseased, unplanned or the result of another sin.  I also know that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24 This includes me.  I don't know how some Down syndrome "advocates" can be so passionate about the rights of children and adults with DS, but not recognize their right to life.  In the reading I've been doing I find it near universal that parents affirm their lives are blessed, joyful and better after the arrival of a child with Down syndrome, however, very few, unless they have religious convictions already, are willing to question the choice of 90% of parents to terminate after receiving a DS diagnosis.

I know that the gift of children is not something to be taken for granted.  I know many friends who struggle with infertility, have lost unborn babies, or are single and desire nothing more than to be a wife and mother.  I know I've felt twinges of jealousy at seeing photos of newborn "normal" babies since finding out my new baby will be different.  I don't know how that envy would be multiplied for those who've been denied the blessing of children for years, had to wait, fight, hope, or fly around the world for an adopted baby, or suffered the loss of a child.

I know I'm looking forward to the birth of this baby.  I'm looking forward to seeing what he looks like and finding out how skilled he is at nursing.  I'm looking forward to showing him off to the other kids, our friends and family, and especially those acquaintances who might not have considered the blessing and joy of a baby with Down syndrome.

How are you doing?...Blessed

Well, most of our friends and family know that we're expecting our 5th baby (which brings the Lowery kid total to 6, counting the one who came to live with us when he was 6yrs old and will be leaning to drive this summer -YIKES!).

Many of you also know that I have a rare blood disorder (NAIT, for short), basically an over-active immune system that sends antibodies to attack the baby's platelets.  However, if the baby has my platelet type he's not affected (because the antibodies don't attack MY platelets, just different ones).  So now that we know about this we have to do an amniocentesis to find out if the baby has NAIT.  Sarah and Ruth did (but have no lasting affects).  Paul and Mary didn't.

We believe that children are a blessing from God and we haven't seen any cause in our particular family to limit that blessing.  We know that God has planned from all eternity every individual human soul that has ever existed and will ever exist and that the ultimate purpose of every soul is to glorify Him.  Our children are not for our enjoyment (although we do enjoy them) but for God to use as He purposes.  We are humbled that He uses us in the process.

It's with that perspective that we share some news about this new baby (it's a boy by the way) :-)  Even though the reason for the amniocentesis was to find out if the baby has NAIT it is routine for the Maternal-Fetal Medicine Dr.s to also test for chromosomal abnormalities.  God has chosen to create this baby boy with an extra chromosome.  He has Down syndrome.  Although this is a surprise to us we know it's not a surprise to God.  It's not a mistake.  It is something that He has planned for our good and for His glory.

This baby also tested positive for NAIT which means he is at risk for internal bleeding and I will need to begin treatment soon.  This will require me receiving an 8hr long blood product infusion twice a week and a c-section delivery.

When I first heard the news of the Down syndrome diagnosis I was sad, but it was sadness mixed with joy knowing that God knows better than me.  I was sad that this baby wouldn't be "perfect," smart, or beautiful.  But he is fearfully and wonderfully made.  He is an image bearer of God.  He is just as worthy of life and love.

I am so thankful for God's grace to me that has allowed me to view my circumstances in light of the truth of the Bible, God's goodness and sovereignty, and His omnipotent providence.  I pray that anyone reading this would know His comfort as many may be faced with actual trials and pains.  Our baby's extra chromosome and blood disorder is not a burden, grief, or trial.  It's a joy to know "Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases."  Psalm 115:3

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate’er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path:
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my physician sends me.
My God is true; each morn anew
I’ll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He is my friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather,
Now I may know both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father’s care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to Him I leave it all.

I've Never Read "The 5 Love Languages"

Since tomorrow is some Hallmark holiday of human creation I've heard a couple mentions of the contemporary classic "The 5 Love Languages."  The author encourages married couples to discover their "love language" and that of their spouse.  Your love language is that which makes you feel loved: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, service, and physical affection.  If you know your spouse's love language you'll better be able to show them love, etc.

Now I'm sure this book has been helpful to many and some of the themes are good, I assume, like thinking of your spouse and what they like, appreciate, desire, etc.  However, I think Christian marriages would benefit from less focus on their love languages and more focus on scripture.  Husbands and wives should know and do what the Bible commands and delight in eachother's faithfulness.

• When your husband gets up every morning and works in his vocation to the glory of God, this should be your love language.

• When your wife gets up at o'dark-thirty to feed the baby again, this should be your love language.

• When your husband makes time to study the Word, leads the family in worship and serves in your local church, this should be your love language.

• When your wife keeps the home, offers hospitality and prepares meals for your family, this should be your love language.

• And, wives, I'd wager a bet that your husbands primary love language can be found in 1Cor 7:3-5.  Do you really need to look it up?

So I'm all for communicating with your spouse and telling eachother your preferences i.e. "I'd rather spend a few hours with you over dinner out instead of those new earrings" or vice versa.  What I want to combat is what I see as worldly expectations that have a tendency to creep into our marriages.  If you have a faithful Christian husband, ladies, please don't demand he make a big fuss about Valentines Day, Mother's Day, your birthday, etc just because this is what the world tells us is important!  From the weekly add in the mail for your favorite grocery store with the displays of balloons, flowers and sweets to commercials, tv, even Christian book stores and ministries we're bombarded with the message that these things matter.  Sure, you have freedom to celebrate any special day you like,  But if it matters to you, figure out why.

Your love language is not an unchangeable part of your personality.  As we study God's Word and grow in sanctification our desires, affections and love languages will be conformed to the image of Christ.

Search the Bible.  What does God tell us matters?  He tells us a lot!  Let's focus on that.