I've Never Read "The 5 Love Languages"

Since tomorrow is some Hallmark holiday of human creation I've heard a couple mentions of the contemporary classic "The 5 Love Languages."  The author encourages married couples to discover their "love language" and that of their spouse.  Your love language is that which makes you feel loved: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, service, and physical affection.  If you know your spouse's love language you'll better be able to show them love, etc.

Now I'm sure this book has been helpful to many and some of the themes are good, I assume, like thinking of your spouse and what they like, appreciate, desire, etc.  However, I think Christian marriages would benefit from less focus on their love languages and more focus on scripture.  Husbands and wives should know and do what the Bible commands and delight in eachother's faithfulness.

• When your husband gets up every morning and works in his vocation to the glory of God, this should be your love language.

• When your wife gets up at o'dark-thirty to feed the baby again, this should be your love language.

• When your husband makes time to study the Word, leads the family in worship and serves in your local church, this should be your love language.

• When your wife keeps the home, offers hospitality and prepares meals for your family, this should be your love language.

• And, wives, I'd wager a bet that your husbands primary love language can be found in 1Cor 7:3-5.  Do you really need to look it up?

So I'm all for communicating with your spouse and telling eachother your preferences i.e. "I'd rather spend a few hours with you over dinner out instead of those new earrings" or vice versa.  What I want to combat is what I see as worldly expectations that have a tendency to creep into our marriages.  If you have a faithful Christian husband, ladies, please don't demand he make a big fuss about Valentines Day, Mother's Day, your birthday, etc just because this is what the world tells us is important!  From the weekly add in the mail for your favorite grocery store with the displays of balloons, flowers and sweets to commercials, tv, even Christian book stores and ministries we're bombarded with the message that these things matter.  Sure, you have freedom to celebrate any special day you like,  But if it matters to you, figure out why.

Your love language is not an unchangeable part of your personality.  As we study God's Word and grow in sanctification our desires, affections and love languages will be conformed to the image of Christ.

Search the Bible.  What does God tell us matters?  He tells us a lot!  Let's focus on that.

Are You Happy?

We're getting into a little study of Proverbs in our biweekly ladies Bible study. One helpful point in reading proverbs that we discussed last week is that these are wise sayings, not promises.  As Dan Phillips puts it:

"Proverbs are wonderfully successful at being what the are: proverbs.  They are not failed prophecies or systematic theologies.  Proverbs by design lays out pointed observations, meant to be memorized and pondered, not always intended to be applied "across the board" to every situation without qualification."  -Dan Phillips, God's Wisdom in Proverbs p.21

With that in mind, I'd like to point you to this helpful little post I read this morning (HT: Girltalk).  In it, Nancy Wilson ponders some proverbial wisdom that speaks to the issue of happiness.  These are great places to start examining your heart if you find yourself being a little less happy than you'd like.  These aren't guarantees, but may be truths we can apply in our various circumstances.  Wilson lists scripture then offers some reflections:

1. Whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he (Prov. 16:20). If we are unhappy, it could be we are worrying  rather than trusting our good God. 

2. He who has mercy on the poor, happy is he (Prov. 14.21). Try this next time you are feeling unhappy: reach out and show mercy to those less fortunate than you. 

3. Happy is the man who is always reverent (Prov. 28:14). Have you been honoring, showing respect to, reverencing, fearing the Lord? 

4. Happy is he who keeps the law (Prov. 29:18). Oh, ouch. Have you been cutting corners? Telling little lies? Indulging in a little gossip? Not putting things all the way right? That will eat away at your happiness for years to come. Make it right. 

5. Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God (Psalm 146:5). Consider who it is you have the privilege to call your Father. Hope in Him. Be happy in His help.

6. Happy are the people who are in such a state; Happy are the people whose God is the Lord! (Ps. 144:15). This psalm describes what a blessed culture looks like. When we have a Christian community, we have much to rejoice in. We know who we are. We are not confused or lost. We are God’s people, and that should make us happy. 

7. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God rests upon you; on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified (1 Peter 4:14). This means when you get flack from co-workers, family members, or even strangers at the grocery store for being a Christian, you should realize this is the sign of God’s blessing. This includes those rude comments about your (more than two) children. Remember in such times that the spirit of God and glory is resting on you. That should make you happy. 

8. Finally, we should remember that happiness is a great benefit to us and a means of glorifying God. He is the source of all happiness, and we return thanks to Him. Happiness is joy, blessedness, and contentment, and these things should characterize our lives. 

Children's Literature Recommendations

This is just a link to a great page of children's book recommendations by grade level.  Maybe readers will find this list useful too!  I'm not a Charlotte Mason-er, so I do not endorse anything else on this site :-)

http://charlottemasonhome.com/books-and-audiotapes/twaddle-free-books/twaddle-free-literature-by-grade-level/

HT: @amyLscott

When NOT to listen to your kids

I recently came across a piece of parenting advice.  I had a negative reaction right away and I thought about a little it to try to figure out why.  Here it is:

You are a good listener if, while your child is talking, you are sincerely trying to understand what he is saying-you are not preparing your rebuttal. You can learn a lot about what your kids think about life. Start listening when they're young because you're definitely going to want to know what they're thinking when they're teenagers!

There may be some truth here.  Listening to your kids is good when they're asking a sincere question or talking about something they're thinking about, etc.  However, you're not required to always listen to your kids.  They don't have a right to always be heard.  They may not demand your attention to their every verbal expression.  You don't have to listen to their complaints, objections, wines and angry responses to your decisions or the thwarting of their wills.

As Christians, our responsibility is to instruct our children, discipline them, pray for them and love them.  It can be loving to listen to "what your kids think about life," but it's even more important that we love them by teaching them how to think about life.  By God's grace, when they're teenagers, they'll have learned to trust and respect your Biblical wisdom and authority.
 

Let us not grow weary of doing good.

Just processing some thoughts from our ladies Bible study this morning.  We looked at Colossians 2 where Paul admonishes the Colossians to resist legalism, human traditions and regulations.  Our justification is accomplished by Christ on the cross.  We contribute nothing to that work.  It is all of Him.  "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this not of your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Eph. 2:8,9)

But you have to finish reading the book.  Colossians 3 and 4 is a long list of do's and don'ts!

seek the things that are above
set your mind on things above, not on earthly things
put to death what is earthly:  sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, covetousness which is idolatry!
put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, obscene talk, lies
put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience
bear with one another
forgive eachother
love
let the word of Christ dwell in you richly
teach
admonish
sing
be thankful
submit to your husband
love your wife
obey your parents
don't provoke your children
obey your masters
work heartily
treat slaves justly
be steadfast in prayer
conduct yourselves wisely
make the best use of the time
let your speech be gracious, seasoned with salt.

Are you tired yet?

So, hopefully I'm not doing a spoiler on Laurie's next Bible study lesson (sorry Laurie!), but there are TONS of good things for us to be about DOING!  They don't earn us favor with God but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do them!  This doesn't mean they are not of value.  Let's not forget the gospel of God's grace, but lets also spur one another on to love and good deeds (Heb 10:24).  And let's encourage one another in the fruit we see and rejoice in the faithfulness God is working in us.

The cost of speaking the truth

I think it's really important to be aware of a discussion going on about a pastor who's coming under fire for calling Mormonism a cult.  You can get a sense of the discussion here.  I was amused by this interview over the weekend.  What's not amusing is that it seems in today's culture that a pastor saying that Mormonism is a cult is considered bigoted.  This is frightening to me on a number of levels, mostly because, you know, that whole "religious freedom" thing.  Also this:

CHAPTER XXX.

Of Church Censures.

I. The Lord Jesus, as king and head of his Church, hath therein appointed a government in the hand of Church officers, distinct from the civil magistrate.
II. To these officers the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven are committed, by virtue whereof they have power respectively to retain and remit sins, to shut that kingdom against the impenitent, both by the word and censures; and to open it unto penitent sinners, by the ministry of the gospel, and by absolution from censures, as occasion shall require.
III. Church censures are necessary for the reclaiming and gaining of offending brethren; for deterring of others from like offenses; for purging out of that leaven which might infect the whole lump; for vindicating the honor of Christ, and the holy profession of the gospel; and for preventing the wrath of God, which might justly fall upon the Church, if they should suffer his covenant, and the seals thereof, to be profaned by notorious and obstinate offenders.

Lest you think me overreacting, this morning's local news-talk station reported on this story and very authoritatively shook their heads in verbal disgust:  "You would think we were past that."


Really?  We're "past that"?  A pastor is no longer allowed to say publicly who is and is not a Christian?


So, do I just listen to too much talk radio, or is this a big deal?  I think so.

How different denominations see each other

Spent a little time researching churches for my folks to try in CO...

Saw this today and thought it was very funny and well done.  Had to share:

(HT: Vitamin Z)

Choosing a church is serious business, but I think it's healthy to find some humor in all this too.  Maybe that's the "reformed" in me :-)

(click image to view larger)