"We must be watchful that these “other things” don’t distract us from our primary task of mothering. We must walk carefully through this season, with all its opportunities, and make the best use of our time with our children.
By "other things" she means online activities (like facebook and what I'm doing now!) and industrious pursuits in the marketplace (Prov. 31-type commerce). Mahaney continues:
Truth is, we can’t effectively train our children on the side. We can’t discipline them here and there. We can’t teach when we’ve got a free moment. We can’t mother intermittently.
Inconsistent training is ineffective training.
If we are distracted by projects or pleasure, we may miss valuable teaching moments, opportunities to encourage, disobedience that requires discipline, or a chance to show affection. These moments, once lost, are gone forever.
So ladies, may I encourage you, as I do my own daughters, to give training and discipline your first and full attention. Walk carefully, and keep your eyes on the mothering road."
While she is absolutely right about the importance of the job of mothering I would caution moms to not take this admonition too far. If we always give "mothering" our first and full attention it'd be easy to justify only having one child! After all, you're not going to be a very effective mother to your toddler when you're sprawled out on the couch for several months with morning sickness. It's not easy to stay on top of every discipline opportunity when you must spend 30 minuets (or more!) every 2-3 hours nursing a newborn. It's impossible to catch every potential moment for training and discipline b/c we have to do other things like take showers, eat lunch, make dinner, do laundry, serve in the church, maybe lock ourselves in our own room for 15 minuets to relax/pray/read/breathe, etc. Be wise with our time, yes, but God can even use our inconsistent and distracted mothering. My children benefit from being "neglected:" learning to play by themselves, working out arguments (even if they often fight), getting bored, and recognizing that the world doesn't revolve around them! So lets be diligent, but lets also realize that motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. We'll get our kids to the finish line only by the grace of God, not our own efforts alone. Sometimes we might take a slower pace, and sometimes we need to stop for a rest break!
Praise God that He uses imperfect parents! Praise God that he uses tired, cranky, sick and sore mothers. Praise God that missed discipline opportunities don't mean we've failed completely. God, in His sovereignty, can even use our mistakes. He is doing His own work in our kids. Yes, He uses us as parents, but He's not limited to only using us. He uses everything.
I guess I just don't want any moms to read Mahaney's post and feel like they're not doing enough. Unless they're not. I wholeheartedly agree that IF God has called you to be a mother, motherhood should be your highest priority. We should all evaluate how we are spending our time and if it lines up with God's priorities, but it will look different in each of our individual circumstances.
I agree thought I would say that the Prov 31 woman is a lovely example of womanhood. She is clear to me that the Psalmist is manages to do so much and her children respect her. It is clear to me that this woman is raised as an example because she did do so much for her family to the glory of God. Really, the mothering is still there in all these activities. We may not do it as well as the Prov 31 woman, but that is ok. We are still mothering if we have to work (in or out of the home), or get to stay home, through our needs to take breaks, through the discipline of other children in the family, etc. Mothering is a multidimensional pursuit and doesn't look the same for everyone (which I know you aren't saying it does). All that to say, when you are a mother, mothering is in everything we do, whether we intend it to be or not. (I have a post coming soon about this, actually. Can you tell ;) )
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to your post, Claire!
DeleteIt's so hard to figure out what is the right thing for this season. I applied for a job that would only be 1-2 hours a day and would pay for my kids Classical Conversations (it's not THAT expensive of a program, until you have 5 kids in it - yikes!). And it would have been a ton of fun (it was a JOB utilizing Facebook and Pinterest! Imagine!). Anyway, I found out this week that I didn't get it. After being severely bummed for a few hours, I reminded myself that many of my homemaker and mothering skills are severely lacking, and that I should think of it not that I didn't get the job I wanted, but that God is reminding me to work a bit harder at the job I already have. As for CC, if He wants us to say, He will provide. "Do the next thing" and not worry too far ahead, I guess! Anyway, I enjoyed both Carolyn's words and yours, Sharon. It's difficult to strike the proper balance but so good to remember that we will often fail at whatever-that-perfect-balance is, and God will do what He will in spite of my imperfections!
ReplyDeleteSharon, a very good post. Very balanced. Full of grace and wisdom. Thank you for the encouraging post.
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