I've Never Read "The 5 Love Languages"

Since tomorrow is some Hallmark holiday of human creation I've heard a couple mentions of the contemporary classic "The 5 Love Languages."  The author encourages married couples to discover their "love language" and that of their spouse.  Your love language is that which makes you feel loved: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, service, and physical affection.  If you know your spouse's love language you'll better be able to show them love, etc.

Now I'm sure this book has been helpful to many and some of the themes are good, I assume, like thinking of your spouse and what they like, appreciate, desire, etc.  However, I think Christian marriages would benefit from less focus on their love languages and more focus on scripture.  Husbands and wives should know and do what the Bible commands and delight in eachother's faithfulness.

• When your husband gets up every morning and works in his vocation to the glory of God, this should be your love language.

• When your wife gets up at o'dark-thirty to feed the baby again, this should be your love language.

• When your husband makes time to study the Word, leads the family in worship and serves in your local church, this should be your love language.

• When your wife keeps the home, offers hospitality and prepares meals for your family, this should be your love language.

• And, wives, I'd wager a bet that your husbands primary love language can be found in 1Cor 7:3-5.  Do you really need to look it up?

So I'm all for communicating with your spouse and telling eachother your preferences i.e. "I'd rather spend a few hours with you over dinner out instead of those new earrings" or vice versa.  What I want to combat is what I see as worldly expectations that have a tendency to creep into our marriages.  If you have a faithful Christian husband, ladies, please don't demand he make a big fuss about Valentines Day, Mother's Day, your birthday, etc just because this is what the world tells us is important!  From the weekly add in the mail for your favorite grocery store with the displays of balloons, flowers and sweets to commercials, tv, even Christian book stores and ministries we're bombarded with the message that these things matter.  Sure, you have freedom to celebrate any special day you like,  But if it matters to you, figure out why.

Your love language is not an unchangeable part of your personality.  As we study God's Word and grow in sanctification our desires, affections and love languages will be conformed to the image of Christ.

Search the Bible.  What does God tell us matters?  He tells us a lot!  Let's focus on that.

Are You Happy?

We're getting into a little study of Proverbs in our biweekly ladies Bible study. One helpful point in reading proverbs that we discussed last week is that these are wise sayings, not promises.  As Dan Phillips puts it:

"Proverbs are wonderfully successful at being what the are: proverbs.  They are not failed prophecies or systematic theologies.  Proverbs by design lays out pointed observations, meant to be memorized and pondered, not always intended to be applied "across the board" to every situation without qualification."  -Dan Phillips, God's Wisdom in Proverbs p.21

With that in mind, I'd like to point you to this helpful little post I read this morning (HT: Girltalk).  In it, Nancy Wilson ponders some proverbial wisdom that speaks to the issue of happiness.  These are great places to start examining your heart if you find yourself being a little less happy than you'd like.  These aren't guarantees, but may be truths we can apply in our various circumstances.  Wilson lists scripture then offers some reflections:

1. Whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he (Prov. 16:20). If we are unhappy, it could be we are worrying  rather than trusting our good God. 

2. He who has mercy on the poor, happy is he (Prov. 14.21). Try this next time you are feeling unhappy: reach out and show mercy to those less fortunate than you. 

3. Happy is the man who is always reverent (Prov. 28:14). Have you been honoring, showing respect to, reverencing, fearing the Lord? 

4. Happy is he who keeps the law (Prov. 29:18). Oh, ouch. Have you been cutting corners? Telling little lies? Indulging in a little gossip? Not putting things all the way right? That will eat away at your happiness for years to come. Make it right. 

5. Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God (Psalm 146:5). Consider who it is you have the privilege to call your Father. Hope in Him. Be happy in His help.

6. Happy are the people who are in such a state; Happy are the people whose God is the Lord! (Ps. 144:15). This psalm describes what a blessed culture looks like. When we have a Christian community, we have much to rejoice in. We know who we are. We are not confused or lost. We are God’s people, and that should make us happy. 

7. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God rests upon you; on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified (1 Peter 4:14). This means when you get flack from co-workers, family members, or even strangers at the grocery store for being a Christian, you should realize this is the sign of God’s blessing. This includes those rude comments about your (more than two) children. Remember in such times that the spirit of God and glory is resting on you. That should make you happy. 

8. Finally, we should remember that happiness is a great benefit to us and a means of glorifying God. He is the source of all happiness, and we return thanks to Him. Happiness is joy, blessedness, and contentment, and these things should characterize our lives.