#269. Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is. (A handy guide)
...when you tell someone about your church, there's not a standard system to describe the degree of metrosexuality your worship leader possesses. Wouldn't it be awesome to say, "You'll love my church and the music. Our worship leader scored a 78 on the SCL Metro Test."Don't answer that last question. It was rhetorical. As a service to churches around the world, here is an easy rating system by which to analyze to what degree your worship leader is a metrosexual.
1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +1
2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +1
3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +1
4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +2
5. Attends the Catalyst Conference = +3
6. Performs at the Catalyst Conference = +10
7. Owns Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair
8. Wears jeans on stage = +1
9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +2
10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -3
11. Has a goatee = +2
12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +2
13. Drinks coffee on stage = +1
14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +2
15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5
16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3
17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all "sweaty" = +1
18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +1
19. Owns a white belt = +2
20. Owns suspenders = -3
21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +1
22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +2
23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +3
24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +2
25. Uses the words, "postmodern, relevant" or "emergent" nonstop = +2
26. Cringes a little when people say the "H word." (Hymnal) = +3
27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, "That song is so 1990s" = +1
28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -2
29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +2
30. References Norwegian punk bands you've never heard of = +2
31. Wears a tie = -1
32. Wears a tie as a belt = +2
33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +2
34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +2
35. Brings said bag on stage with him = +2
36. Has a tattoo = +2
37. Has a visible tattoo = +4
38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -4
39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +2
40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, "the Hills" = +3
41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +2
42. Your wife ever says, "he needs a barrette for his hair." = +2
43. Has a nickname with "the" in it, as in "the edge," = +2
44. Owns every Nooma video = +2
45. Has a soul patch = +3
46. Won't play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +2
47. Refers to California as "the left coast" = +2
48. Currently subscribes to Dwell or Details magazine = +2
49. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +2
50. Twitters you from his iPhone = +2
51. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +2
52. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +2
53. Ever says "we got a hot mic here" = -4
54. Shops at the Gap = 0
55. Shops at Urban Outfitters = +2
LOL. Oh my!
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